Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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