I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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