Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
