If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
