I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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