Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
