I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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