Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
