Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
