Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
