hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
