Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
