Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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