I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
