you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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