why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
