hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
