I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
