Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
