grandma shit on top of the toilet
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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