I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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