She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
