I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
