Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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