I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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