I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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