so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
