Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You can't motorboat a personality
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
