she woke up with a sticky ear
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
