I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
