How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
