bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
