i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
