I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
