were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I believe in your delicious
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
