So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
