i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
