mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
