when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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