Sry I called you an 8
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
