I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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