that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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