Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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