plz talk dirty to me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
