Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
