this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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