are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In other news, I just burned my penis
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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