whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
