she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
