how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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